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| I'm kind of a private person, and introverted a lot of the times. That's why I rarely post anything on Facebook. If we were merely "Facebook friends," then you would probably know nothing about me. I don't like to let others know what I'm going through, or what I'm thinking unless we are actually sitting face to face. My personality, or how others perceive me come soley from their observation of my actions, not my words or how I describe myself or what I tell them about me life, because I rarely do. Even when I want to tell them about my life the words slip away and I find myself stumbling to describe my life, only to realize that I can't. Lately, I've been inspired. I want to work harder to achieve the best that I can. Be appreciative of life, treat others indiscriminately with love, and be sincere with your feelings. | | |
| It's been such a long time since I've written...I guess it's hard to write when you're afraid of dealing with or even recognizing your emotional, physical, mental, whatever state you're in.... I guess cos it means that you have to accept what happened and what's happening to you and how you feel about it. If you push it aside you feel like you don't have to accept anything that you don't want to whereas if you write it down and record it then that means that you're succeptible to these feelins and that you acknowlege it's existance. The fact that it does affect you. I've been an emotional and mental wreck. I've been dizzy the past few days, in a haze... Am I...depressed? Am I....in despair? Over... I feel like I want to blame this one thing...but I know it's not that... I've been through much worse. Maybe I'm beginning to feel that whever I go I'm afraid of being tormented. Of being laughed at. Of being the joke of. This genuine fear of every moment and it's dangerous potential has worn me down and paranoid. I hate presence of anyone not familiar to me, I freak out when there are others who are not my family within my proximity. Yesterday I cried because for two days in a row we had family friends over. What...? I am at a constant state of internal discomfort and on the verge of going insane, of losing who I am... My family knows that they have to be careful with me. I know what triggered this, and I've been trying to avoid it as best I can. I could feel it since two weeks ago when I've been doing everything in my power to avoid it. But it's hard because it's the most important thing to my parents. But I'm tired and I just don't want to anymore. | | |
| Im going to miss Korea so much when I leave in 8 days... Today my friend wrote on my wall: "HURRY BACK I MISS YOU" to which I replied "I'm already home" and it's true...I meant it | | |
| When I first started watching The Weekenders when I was around 13 I was extremely jealous of the friendship they shared. 
They are whom I would deem the ultimate friends. So rad, so awesome I'd even go as far to call them soulmates. Each of them have different areas of interest and beliefs yet they respect one another and are always helping each other out regardless of the sacrifices they have to make. Yes they are different and yet they manage to say in sync. The past few days I've been re-watching the masterpiece titled The Weekenders but no longer am I envious of them. Cos now I do have a Lor, Tish and Carver just like Tino (my fave) does except their names just so happens to be Sho, Margaret, Alice, Angus, Cyrus and Stephanie. Margaret, Alice, Angus, Cyrus, Stephanie and I all attended Shaughnessy Elementary. Steph and I were best friends since second grade and when Margo and Alice (twins) transferred in the fourth grade, the three of us (M&A&Me) started rolling together. Margo could dial my number in a second no joke and Angus and Cyrus also happened to be besties. I stopped hanging out with elementary friends when the twins left for boarding school in Victoria, but everyone else started a "Shaughnessy group" in the eight grade. I didn't join until the end of ninth grade and Sho (a Catholic private school soccer playing junkie :D and my best homeboy) joined us in the 11th grade. Since then we've been pretty much inseperable. We've just gotten to a point now where we know each other down to the tee. We accept each other for who we are, flaws and all. We stick up for each other and we take each others shits when we're having a bad day. I can't say that we've been though everything together, but we've been throught a lot together and I honestly would not be the person I am today without them. I hope we can grow old together. I know that the chances of our children being friends together like us (yes we've talked about it don't judge) are so extremely slim but I just hope that my child one day will have friends who share a bond like we did(do/will). | | |
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